"So, why were you put up for adoption?"  

            At one point in the United States, adoption wasn’t a concept many people had ever thought of, but is now becoming more widely known with famous celebrities such as Angelina Jolie and Sandra Bullock adopting their children. Even still, there seems to be a negative connotation of the word with not much knowledge surrounding it. One of the top countries that people adopt from today is China, although that’s not how it always was since China did not allow international adoption until 1992 (Gann 1).  There are different reasons scholars speculate of why this was allowed, saying, “recognizing international adoption could be seen as a humanitarian response to China’s family planning policy” and “[it] provides a practical solution to alleviate the pressures brought on by the increasing number of abandoned girls” (Gann 6). Whatever the reason, there is a deep-rooted and some would say controversial history surrounding China’s social treatment of their infant population, especially infant girls.  

          According to Travis Marn and Tony Xing Tan, "As of 2013, over 80,000 children have been adopted from China, with 95% of them being girls" (1). This statistic had me wondering why the overwhelming majority of children adopted were girls. The government of China has always attempted to control their growing population and in 1979 implemented the One Child Policy (Gann 1). This was the biggest attempt to control the population, restricting mainly rural families, to only having one child (Gann 3). This proposed a big problem, since they were the ones who needed more children to work. Traditionally, there has been a preference for males as opposed to females in China. The Confucian culture "has dominated feudal dynasties in China and guided social policy for more than 2,100 years" and accordingly, “structure of society [is] women at every level should occupy a position lower than men” (Gann 2). This put an emphasis on the male authority and the family having a male heir in turn causing immense pressure on the women to produce males and cause females to be unwanted. If they weren’t abandoned or hidden, then they would be subordinate to the men in their own home. However, those were considered the lucky ones as many were also killed or terminated in the womb (China’s Lost Girls). This history only skims the surface of the social treatment girls and women faced and sadly, still face today. However, this may help explain to girls adopted from China why they were given up by their birth mother and give some answers to their questions, but I know this is only one of the many facets of adoption that need to be better researched and explored.  

 

"Oh, so your mother didn't want you?"  

         Many people who have never experienced adoption and even those who have, have that one question that seems to loom in the forefront of their mind. They question what would compel their mother to just give them up and not try to raise them. If only the answer was simple and everyone could move on, but life doesn't work that way. Unfortunately, many baby girls are abandoned after being born, as the mothers fear the consequences of keeping their children. There are historical, social, and cultural aspects that attribute to the reason as mentioned before, but there is much more to it that only we as outsiders can speculate about. This can be one of the problems adopted children grow up with as they wonder and maybe even resent why their mothers gave them up viewing it as their mothers not "wanting them". Their adopted mothers then have to try and explain to them why this happened. "My mom said I was born in someone else's stomach and that my biological mom couldn't take care of me, so she took me to an orphanage so I could have a better life" explains Katie who was adopted (China's Lost Girls). Many of times, the birth mother wishes they could've kept their baby, but unfortunately can't do so. One adoptive mother reflects about adopting her baby girl:

It was impossible to ignore the fact that I was getting a daughter because someone had been forced to give her up. I am so grateful to Madeline’s birth mother for giving me the daughter I always   wanted, but I grieve for her because she will never be melted by Madeline’s smile, hear her laugh, and see what a bright, happy child she is growing up to be." (Clehane 1)

I think these two perspectives give insight in unique ways. One reveals that children who are given up for adoption is not because their mother's didn't want them, but because they wouldn't be able to provide the life that the child deserves. It takes a lot of courage to put their babies up for adoption, not knowing where they might end up, but instead have to have faith they will end up in the right place. The other perspective reflects that the women that go to adopt their babies are becoming mothers by doing so, but it's at the expense of another mother’s loss. This reveals being given up for adoption isn't as simple as people might believe, but is rather a situation that involves many complex emotions.  

 

"What was the adoption process like for your parents?"

          Luckily, baby girls that are abandoned are generally found and put in an orphanage where they are put up for adoption. Thousands of miles away, their parents wait, getting prepared to adopt them. The process can take up to years and can cost thousands of dollars, up to $18,000 (China’s Lost Girls). Parents must meet basic requirements such as being 30 years of age or older and must submit an application via an American Adoption agency (Gann 7). There are stacks and stacks of paperwork that have to be filled out and numerous background checks to be administered (Lihua 3). Finally after the long process, the parents receive a tiny photo of their baby girl with their name (China’s Lost Girls). They board a plane and the trip is long, stressful, and tiresome, but eventually that all melts away once they get to meet their baby girls for the first time. After that first meeting, both of the parents and their new daughters lives are changed forever. The documentary film, China's Lost Girls follows American couples on their journey to adopt and provides insight on what it's like for both the parents as well as other adopted girls. One mother reflects, "we're not gaining a daughter, but she is gaining a mother" (China’s Lost Girls). This was one of the key perspectives that made an impression on me because many people generalize that being adopted means being unwanted, but it's quite the opposite. It is being wanted. Those who are adopted gain a mother they would have otherwise never had.  

 

"Do parents have any fears going to a foreign nation?" 

            As stated before, many children are abandoned in China and put in orphanages to be adopted. Parent’s that adopt can sometimes have fears and uncertainty of their child’s prior history just like the children do. China has a very well known and reputable international adoption program, but has also been subject to scandals regarding “baby buying” (Marn & Tan 1). There were news reports that “orphanages with permission from the central government to conduct international adoptions received babies from smugglers and traffickers and then placed them for international adoption” (Marn & Tan 1). This created anxiety among adopters fearing that the babies they were adopting could’ve been abducted. Because of this fact, some parents would decide to tell their children that they didn’t know of their background history, not wanting to expose them to the harsh reality. While most parents do not suspect this, the news and broadcast of scandals can definitely evoke paranoia. However, they know they’re doing something good for the child and that’s what really matters.

 

“Do you and others like you ever go back? Can you speak Chinese?”

            Adoptive parents strive to make their children still feel apart of where they came from such as enrolling them in traditional Chinese dances or classes to learn Chinese (Huss 1). This can have a big impact, but one social worker explains, "It is one thing to dress children up in cute Chinese dresses, but the children need real contact with Asian-Americans, not just waiters in restaurants on Chinese New Year. And they need real validation about the racial issues they experience" (Jane Brown qtd in Clemetson). The adopted girls need to experience firsthand where they came from, so many choose to travel back. However, what they imagine isn’t always what they get. Journalist Melissa Ludtke travels with two adopted Chinese girls as they go back to China and explains, “Jennie and Maya discovered that adoption is not a topic [people in China] talk about openly. The Chinese girls were surprised to learn that healthy female babies were abandoned in their towns around the same time they were born” (2). It was interesting that even though adoption in America is something that is becoming more and more normal, in China it’s a concept not many know of even though “China has been the most popular country of U.S. international adoption for nearly two decades” (U.S. Department of State qtd in Marn & Tan). Even though the girls were born in China, they’re raised in America and grow up with a different culture. The adopted parents want to keep their children’s native culture alive such as getting their girls to learn Chinese. However, learning it in America and practicing it in China is two different things as Ludtke points out, “Maya tried speaking Mandarin. But when the clerks didn’t understand her and responded with questions she didn’t understand, Maya used Mandarin to say that she was born in China, then adopted by her American mom” (2). There’s this fantasy that going to China will be a perfect way to connect back with your roots, but then a culture shock sets in with Jennie saying, “I don’t think they understood we are Chinese, but we live in America” (Ludtke 3). It seems that even if you’re born Chinese, but raised as an American, the native Chinese people see you as different. It’s a sad realization, but something adopted Chinese girls have to come to terms with.

 

“Is your view on adoption different than others who have also been adopted?”

             The research broadened my view on adoption and specifically Chinese adoptions. I wanted to research how those who adopted felt about the process and how they perceived it as well as those who were being the ones adopted. I found many similarities in my research to how I experienced things and how I personally felt. It sometimes becomes uncomfortable to know that others see you as looking different from your parents instead of just seeing you as a person who has two parents. Many of us who are adopted from China will never know who are biological parents are or the history of the family we were originally born into. Some explore this and some don’t, but no matter the path we choose, one thing offers comfort and is what all adopted children have in common: we were able to gain a new family and they were able to gain a child, something that might not ever happen if adoption didn't exist.